Surrogacy is a deeply impactful and multifaceted journey that involves a woman carrying and delivering a baby for another individual or couple. For many, it’s a decision rooted in altruism, the desire to help others who cannot conceive or carry a child themselves. Surrogacy provides hope and fulfillment for many families, but it also involves significant physical, emotional, and legal considerations. Becoming a surrogate is not just a service; it’s a monumental personal decision that can change the lives of all involved.
There are two main types of surrogacy: traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate mother’s egg is fertilized by the sperm of the intended father or a sperm donor, making her genetically related to the child. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries a fertilized egg from the intended parents or a donor but has no genetic connection to the baby. Both forms of surrogacy carry their own set of challenges and benefits, but the emotional, physical, and legal implications can be significant regardless of the method used.
This article will explore the various pros and cons of being a surrogate. It aims to provide an in-depth understanding of the complex journey that surrogates embark on. While surrogacy can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience for many women, it’s important to recognize that it is not without its challenges. The decision should be made after careful thought, with full knowledge of both the rewards and the risks. Here, we will detail 10 advantages and 10 drawbacks to becoming a surrogate, helping those considering this path weigh their options and understand what lies ahead.
Pros of Being a Surrogate
1. Helping Others Achieve Parenthood
One of the most powerful and meaningful aspects of becoming a surrogate is the opportunity to help others realize their dream of becoming parents. Many intended parents may face infertility issues, medical conditions, or other barriers that prevent them from carrying a child themselves. Surrogates play a vital role in giving these couples or individuals the chance to experience the joys of parenthood.
The bond that forms between a surrogate and the intended parents is unique, as it is built upon mutual respect, trust, and gratitude. For many surrogates, the emotional fulfillment of knowing that they’ve played a crucial role in the lives of others is one of the greatest rewards. The joy of knowing that the baby they carry will be loved and cherished by the intended parents is a deeply fulfilling and empowering experience.
Surrogates often experience immense pride in knowing that they have helped someone become a parent, which can provide lasting satisfaction. The act of giving another family the chance to build their future together is something that transcends the physical aspect of pregnancy. For many women, the emotional rewards of this act of kindness far outweigh the temporary challenges they may face during the pregnancy.
2. Financial Compensation
Another significant benefit of being a surrogate is the financial compensation that comes with it. Surrogacy can be a well-paid opportunity, with compensation covering medical expenses, legal fees, and the surrogate’s time. While the financial rewards should not be the sole reason for becoming a surrogate, many women find the monetary compensation a helpful incentive, especially in situations where they may be looking to improve their financial standing. Surrogates often receive a base payment for their time and efforts, and additional bonuses may be given for specific circumstances, such as carrying multiples or undergoing certain medical procedures.
For some women, surrogacy offers a financial cushion that allows them to achieve their own personal financial goals, such as paying off debts, buying a home, or providing for their children’s education. Surrogacy compensation may also serve as a means of building long-term financial stability, especially for women who may not have had other opportunities to earn such significant sums. The financial aspect of surrogacy can make it a rewarding experience for both the surrogate and her family, as the money earned can have a lasting impact on the surrogate’s financial well-being.
3. Physical Benefits (Health Monitoring and Care)
Being a surrogate often comes with premium healthcare benefits, ensuring that the surrogate receives optimal medical care throughout the pregnancy. Surrogates typically have access to regular health check-ups, ultrasounds, and other diagnostic tests to ensure the health and well-being of both the surrogate and the baby. Medical expenses related to the pregnancy are typically covered by the intended parents or the surrogacy agency, meaning that the surrogate doesn’t have to worry about the financial burden of her medical care. This can include pre-pregnancy health screenings, prenatal vitamins, and post-delivery check-ups.
Surrogates are also given additional monitoring and care to detect any potential issues early in the pregnancy, ensuring that both the surrogate and baby remain healthy throughout the process. This heightened level of care can be a benefit, as it may lead to better overall health outcomes for both parties. The healthcare services provided during surrogacy can be more comprehensive and attentive than what many women experience in a typical pregnancy, which can help provide peace of mind for the surrogate and her family.
4. Psychological and Emotional Fulfillment
Surrogacy is an emotionally rewarding experience, not only for the intended parents but also for the surrogate. Many surrogates report feeling immense emotional fulfillment from being able to give the gift of life to others. There’s a deep sense of joy and satisfaction in knowing that your actions have made a lasting impact on someone else’s life. The experience of carrying a child for someone else creates a unique emotional bond between the surrogate and the intended parents, which can lead to lasting relationships even after the child is born.
The surrogate may experience a sense of pride in knowing that she has given someone the opportunity to become a parent, especially if they were previously unable to have children. In some cases, surrogates form lifelong bonds with the intended parents, which can lead to close friendships. Additionally, surrogates often feel a strong sense of connection to the child they carry, and even though they do not parent the child after birth, they may take great joy in knowing that their actions helped create a family.
5. Increased Self-Worth
Becoming a surrogate often boosts a woman’s self-esteem and sense of worth. Many women find that the process of surrogacy allows them to feel empowered and capable, as they are making a tremendous sacrifice for the benefit of others. The process of helping someone fulfill their dream of parenthood often leads to a heightened sense of personal achievement. For many surrogates, knowing that they are capable of such a significant act provides a lasting sense of pride.
This increase in self-worth can be particularly valuable for women who may have struggled with self-esteem or self-doubt in the past. The emotional rewards of surrogacy go beyond the initial financial compensation—surrogates often come away from the experience feeling more confident in themselves and their abilities. The experience can help women see themselves as strong, compassionate individuals who are capable of making a profound impact on the lives of others.
6. Opportunity to Build Lasting Relationships
Surrogates often develop strong, lasting relationships with the intended parents. These relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and gratitude, which form over the course of the surrogacy process. For many surrogates, these relationships transcend the pregnancy, and they often continue to stay in touch with the intended parents after the birth. Some surrogates even become lifelong friends with the families they helped.
The emotional connection that develops during the surrogacy journey is unique, as it is based on the shared experience of creating a family. For many surrogates, the bond they form with the intended parents is one of the most fulfilling aspects of the experience. The friendships that emerge from surrogacy can provide a strong support system for the surrogate, both during the pregnancy and beyond.
7. Experience of Pregnancy Without the Responsibility of Raising a Child
Surrogacy offers a unique opportunity for women who have already had children and want to experience pregnancy again without the lifelong responsibility of raising another child. The surrogate carries the baby for nine months, experiencing all the physical changes and emotions of pregnancy, but without the long-term commitment of parenting. For women who enjoy pregnancy but do not want to expand their own family, surrogacy provides a way to fulfill that desire while allowing the intended parents to take on the role of raising the child.
This can be especially appealing for women who have completed their own family and wish to experience the joys and challenges of pregnancy once again, but without the lifelong responsibilities that come with having another child. Surrogacy allows women to enjoy the process of carrying and giving birth without the emotional and practical demands of parenting a child.
8. Personal Growth
The experience of becoming a surrogate often leads to significant personal growth. The process requires a woman to reflect on her own values, beliefs, and motivations. Many surrogates report feeling a sense of personal transformation as they move through the process, gaining a greater sense of empathy, resilience, and strength. Surrogates are often challenged in ways they hadn’t anticipated, whether through the physical demands of pregnancy or the emotional challenges of giving up a child they have carried for months.
This growth can be an important aspect of the surrogacy journey, as it can help women develop a deeper sense of their own capabilities. Many surrogates find that the experience changes the way they view themselves and their relationships with others. The ability to help others in such a profound way often leads to an increased sense of fulfillment and purpose.
9. Legal and Medical Protections
Surrogates are typically well-protected legally and medically when they work with a reputable agency or legal team. Surrogacy contracts are drawn up to ensure that both the surrogate and the intended parents’ rights are upheld throughout the process. These contracts provide clear guidelines for medical care, compensation, and any other aspects of the surrogacy journey, ensuring that the surrogate is well-supported.
Additionally, surrogates are usually covered for medical expenses related to the pregnancy, ensuring that they receive the necessary care without the burden of financial cost. This level of protection provides the surrogate with peace of mind and ensures that she is not taken advantage of during the process. Legal protections also help prevent any disputes that may arise, providing a structured framework for both the surrogate and the intended parents.
10. Contributing to Diversity and Equality
For many surrogates, the opportunity to help a diverse range of families is a key motivator. Surrogacy offers an avenue for same-sex couples, single parents, and other individuals facing fertility challenges to have biological children. By becoming a surrogate, women contribute to the growing movement of family diversity and equality. Surrogates help create families for individuals who may have otherwise been excluded from the option of parenthood due to societal barriers or medical limitations.
For surrogates who value inclusivity and equality, this aspect of surrogacy is incredibly fulfilling. The act of helping others in such a significant way contributes to a more diverse and inclusive society where families are defined by love, not by traditional structures. Surrogacy serves as a means to promote family equality and ensure that more people have access to the joys of parenthood.
Cons of Being a Surrogate
1. Emotional and Psychological Toll
While the act of surrogacy can be emotionally rewarding, it also brings emotional challenges. The most significant emotional difficulty comes after the birth of the child when the surrogate must part with the baby she has carried for nine months. Even though the surrogate may have entered into the process knowing that she would not be keeping the child, the emotional bond formed during pregnancy can make the separation difficult.
For some women, the process of giving birth to the child and then handing it over to the intended parents can cause feelings of grief or loss. The hormonal changes after childbirth can also intensify emotions, making the adjustment period particularly difficult. These feelings may not always be anticipated, and the surrogate may require emotional support or counseling to navigate this transition.
2. Physical Risks
Pregnancy, by its nature, involves physical risks and challenges. For surrogates, this risk is not diminished, as they still undergo the same physical changes and challenges as any other pregnant woman. The surrogate may face health complications, such as gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, or a risk of miscarriage.
Though medical screenings are typically thorough and surrogates are closely monitored, there is still a risk of complications. In some cases, the surrogate may experience difficult pregnancies that require additional medical interventions, such as bed rest, hospitalization, or surgery. While surrogacy agencies take steps to ensure the surrogate’s safety, the physical demands of pregnancy cannot be entirely eliminated.
3. Time and Commitment
Surrogacy is a long-term commitment that involves a significant amount of time and effort. From medical evaluations to the pregnancy itself, the process can take several months, sometimes even years. For women who already have families or busy careers, the time commitment can be overwhelming. The surrogate must take time off from work for medical appointments, rest periods, and eventual childbirth.
Additionally, the surrogate must adhere to a strict schedule of prenatal care, doctor’s appointments, and possibly even lifestyle changes in order to ensure the health of the pregnancy. The demanding nature of the process can be exhausting and challenging, especially if complications arise. The time commitment required can lead to stress and burnout if the surrogate is not prepared for the extensive duration of the process.
4. Legal Complications
Legal issues can arise throughout the surrogacy process, especially if there are disagreements between the surrogate and the intended parents. Issues can include disputes over compensation, medical care, or parental rights. In rare cases, surrogates may find themselves embroiled in legal battles regarding custody or legal parental status, particularly if the surrogacy agreement is not airtight.
Even when a contract is in place, legal complications can still arise, especially if the laws around surrogacy in the surrogate’s state or country are not clear. For example, some places have laws that are less favorable to surrogates, which may lead to legal challenges. Navigating these legal waters can be complex, requiring both the surrogate and the intended parents to have clear and strong legal representation to protect their rights.
5. Social Stigma
Surrogacy is still a controversial subject in many cultures and communities, and some women may face social stigma for becoming a surrogate. In certain regions or social circles, surrogacy is seen as taboo or misunderstood. This stigma can lead to judgment, criticism, or ostracism, which can be emotionally challenging for the surrogate.
The societal perception of surrogacy can affect the surrogate’s personal relationships, leading to tension with family members, friends, or colleagues who may not understand the decision. Even though surrogacy is legal in many countries, the social challenges it presents should not be underestimated, and the surrogate may have to work through uncomfortable situations in order to maintain her sense of identity.
6. Strain on Personal Relationships
Surrogacy is a deeply personal decision, but it can put a strain on the surrogate’s personal relationships, especially with her partner and family. Some partners may struggle with the idea of their loved one carrying a child for another family, which can lead to disagreements or tension within the relationship.
There are also emotional challenges that arise for the surrogate’s children. Young children may have difficulty understanding why their mother is pregnant but will not be keeping the child. This can lead to confusion or resentment. Balancing surrogacy with family life can be difficult, especially when the demands of the pregnancy require the surrogate to take time away from her loved ones.
7. Lack of Control Over the Pregnancy
Surrogates may feel that they lack control over certain aspects of the pregnancy, especially when it comes to decisions made by the intended parents. While most surrogacy contracts are negotiated and agreed upon beforehand, there may be instances where the surrogate feels that her wishes are not being fully respected.
For example, the intended parents may have specific preferences for the type of medical care the surrogate receives, the birthing plan, or even decisions about the baby’s care. While these preferences are usually outlined in advance, the surrogate may still feel a sense of disempowerment if the choices made don’t align with her personal desires. This lack of control can be frustrating, especially for women who have strong feelings about their pregnancy experience.
8. Financial Strain on Intended Parents
Surrogacy is an expensive process, and the costs can be overwhelming for the intended parents. Beyond the financial compensation for the surrogate, there are also medical fees, legal costs, and agency fees to consider. The total cost of surrogacy can add up quickly, and intended parents may find themselves financially stretched.
In some cases, the intended parents may also face unexpected expenses during the pregnancy, such as medical complications that require additional care or treatments. This financial burden can be stressful for both the surrogate and the intended parents, particularly if the costs exceed what was initially anticipated. The financial challenges involved in surrogacy can lead to tension and anxiety during the process.
9. Health Risks in Future Pregnancies
Surrogacy, especially repeated surrogacy pregnancies, can pose health risks for future pregnancies. Some studies have indicated that women who become surrogates multiple times may be at an increased risk of complications, such as preterm birth, low birth weight, or other reproductive health issues. Even if a surrogate has had a healthy first pregnancy, repeated pregnancies can take a toll on the body.
Additionally, undergoing multiple rounds of surrogacy can lead to an increased risk of health issues such as uterine problems, fertility challenges, or hormonal imbalances. While many surrogates have healthy pregnancies, it’s important for women to be aware of the long-term risks associated with surrogacy before deciding to pursue it multiple times.
10. Post-Birth Emotional Adjustment
After the birth of the baby, many surrogates experience an emotional adjustment period. Even though the surrogate may have known all along that she was not going to raise the child, the process of giving birth and then handing the baby over to the intended parents can cause feelings of loss, sadness, or emptiness.
For many surrogates, this post-birth emotional adjustment can be difficult. Hormonal fluctuations after childbirth may exacerbate these emotions, and the surrogate may find it challenging to return to her regular routine. Though most surrogates are able to cope with these feelings, the emotional adjustment period after the birth is a significant challenge that must be taken into account when considering surrogacy.
Conclusion
Becoming a surrogate is a deeply personal decision that comes with both incredible rewards and significant challenges. The opportunity to help others create a family and experience the fulfillment of giving the gift of life is unmatched. However, surrogacy requires careful consideration of the physical, emotional, and legal responsibilities involved. It is essential for potential surrogates to fully understand both the pros and cons before committing to this path. By doing so, they can make an informed decision that aligns with their personal values, circumstances, and long-term goals. Surrogacy is not a decision to be taken lightly, but for many women, it is an experience that brings immeasurable satisfaction and a profound sense of accomplishment.